Self Journey

How and Why I Began Meditating - A Mother's Load

I’m not even sure if you could call what I was doing in the beginning “meditation” but I knew I needed to do something. In 2011 for reasons I couldn’t understand at the time, my son left my home and began living with his father full time. Even though it was the next town over and he would be close and we would “see each other” I couldn’t shake the feelings of losing a child.

The guilt, shame, horror and deep sorrow would reopen as a deep wound every time he would come visit and leave again. This gut wrenching tragedy was controlling my every thought.

What did I do wrong?
What could I have done differently?
Would I ever get him back?


My thoughts soon took over my physical body, as it was eating away at me on the inside. Doctors, tests, medications and so on weren’t going to heal my broken heart.

These moments are the call to action.

I knew that I had to do something to begin to trust that this was meant to be and I had to surrender to it, accept it, and learn to live again.

Every morning and night I would close my eyes and imagine that I could float up to the clouds.

This became my sacred space.

The more I visited my space the more familiar it became to me. It had a couch where I could sit and hug my son, a space where we could meet, and there was nothing that could come between us. No matter where we were on earth we could always be together in this sacred space.

I never told anyone what I was doing and after a few months of this new practice, it was Mother’s Day. The day to honor myself as a mother but how could I? The shame of losing a child was still an open wound for me. My son had visited for the day and gave me a card that he had made. On the inside he wrote:

Mom, you are the best mom in the world. And every night I get your “hugs”. Happy Mother’s Day I love you ~ Dillon

Will I meditate for the rest of my life? Yes, I will meditate for the rest of my life.

Because no matter what is happening we can always create a place in our heart, or in the clouds, or in the water where everything will be as you imagine it to be.

 

Happy. Healed. Whole.

Namaste in India

Though thousands of miles from San Diego, my first time in India felt as if I had returned home. In fact from the moment I landed, something about India was so familiar, as if it were embedded in my DNA.

This will be my third trip this year. WHY you ask?

I’m fulfilling my soul’s longing to teach others
how to discover their truth.

As I visit India I will be exploring the sites for my next retreat (that's right, I'm hosting!) to INDIA!!! A full awakening of the body, mind and spirit. Details for the India Retreat will be coming soon, stay tuned. Until then, check out my upcoming San Diego retreat in May.

Planning an overseas trip can be daunting, especially if technology might be limited in the area or if you’re looking for an authentic and local experience. One thing that has really put my mind at ease is going with a group that can first-hand vouch for places and activities.

When my mind is at ease I can put all my attention on the journey.
The journey into the self.

I want to know that the place I’m staying meets my criteria of safe, clean, easily accessible or close proximity to certain places or things, and is a positive experience.

Having this part already figured out means I can focus more energy on the actual point of my stay --- to go deeper within, to discover the parts of myself that I didn’t even know existed. To show up and have all the details taken care of means the real work can begin.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I’m doing this for you! One of best ways I know how to serve others is to do some of the work for them. By exploring and experiencing the country, I’ve done the work to create a retreat that can deliver. That means turning the unknowns into the knowns.

There is no greater gift than journeying with someone who has “been there and done that!”

Get a feel for what the India retreat will be like by following along with my journey on Instagram @healingmariah.

I already know I’ll come back from India with so many great insights, techniques, and tools for integrated healing and how to guide you better. I’m looking forward to sharing these abundantly at my upcoming San Diego retreat May 5th-7th. I’d LOVE for you to join me. Get all the details on the Retreats page.